In the 15 months I've been living by myself, I've learned a few things. Some of them are more visibly useful, like learning how to cook - while others are a little more subtle.
It turns out that I am completely incapable of handling "downtime". Well, I can handle it in small, measured doses, but not if I have a lot of it all at once.
I went from being "off book but productive", to just "off book" to, "off book with my head firmly up my ass".
School started again this past week, and I didn't even have schedules written for the first week because I had social engagements and appointments peppered all over the place.
I've already scheduled my first final for April 22, so I knew I needed to get back on track.
Last night I did what I was supposed to do, I wrote out my schedules for the week. I also made some "global" scheduling decisions so that my weeks are more similar from week to week, more routine oriented and less individualized.
Still, I went to bed last night feeling discouraged. I couldn't even remember the last time I woke up on time, let alone went through my morning and evening routines.
I didn't sleep well. I haven't been sleeping well, mostly due to crazy intense nightmares.
The alarm went off this morning, and I turned it off like I've done for the past few months, and almost rolled over and went back to sleep until the second round of alarms went off, also just like I've done for the past several months. After that, I have been snoozing for an hour or more, barely making it to work on time, let alone getting up on time on the weekends to be productive.
Lest I digress farther, let's go back to this morning. The first alarm went off. I turned it off. I started to close my eyes, already resigned to another failed morning.
But...I didn't close my eyes. I grabbed my Nook, and read for the 15 minutes between the two sets of alarms. (This is the first part of my morning routine.)
I got up at the second set of alarms.
I went through my routines. I had breakfast. I got through both of my scheduled school blocks. I cleaned my kitchen. I set up my food processor. I made dinner. I am writing my scheduled blog post. At 9:15pm I will set myself up for the morning, and then I will spend my last hour reading, which is the last part of my evening routine.
Today was a successful day.
Tomorrow I have the chance to be successful too.
When I am scheduled so rigidly, work and school and my other school and bowling and tennis lessons and cooking and reading - I start longing for free time. When I hear the siren song of said free time, I succumb to it, only to realize that it's not beneficial to me.
Maybe someday I can strike a balance between being overly rigid and freefalling into no schedules at all, but for now, I realize that I more structure I give myself, the better I feel overall, and the more I succeed.
And that folks, is all I have to say on this tonight.
-Seph
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