Pregnancy Sucks

Today I asked my husband for blog ideas, and he had a really good one about how I'm actually shopping for my own food and *gasp* cooking it.  However, it's now after 1 AM.  I'm awake because I have heartburn so bad I can't lie down.  I have heartburn because I'm pregnant.

Things I dislike about pregnancy.

1.  Pregnancy brain.  According to What to Expect when You're Expecting, pregnancy brain is caused by the same thing every other pregnancy doom is caused by; metric crap tons of hormones.  For most women, it's a temporary case of ADHD.  For me it's epic derp.  I cannot believe some of the nonsense that spews from my mouth.  speaking of which...

2.  Whoever named it "morning sickness" should be shot.  For me, it was a constant case of motion sickness that never went away for 3 months.  Now it likes to surprise me from time to time, like the ex-roommate you didn't get along with who still occasionally calls to ask if you want to go to Mass with her and her mother. 

3.  Gas.  I burp, I fart, I work with the public.  This is not a good combination.

4.  I can smell EVERYTHING.  I work with the public.  Also, not a good combination.  In these cases, epic farts come in handy.  They'll clear my work area pretty quickly.

5.  I am so very very itchy on my tummy.  

6.  My tits hurt.  I'm slowly making my way through the cup size alphabet.  This not only means I had to buy new bras (which are not at all cheap in my size) but also that I have all the knots in my back.  Also, hugging hurts.  Epic sadface.

7.  People keep treating me like I'm going to fall apart at the seams.  "No, I'll pick that up for you, you're delicate, you know.  Like an egg."  Yeah, like a kung fu egg that will punch you in your neck!

8.  Other people blaming my words, thoughts, and feelings on being pregnant.  No, it's not my pregnancy talking.  My pregnancy does all sorts of things, but I do the speaking around here.  The only difference is I took off my filter because I don't give a fuck.  Not giving a fuck is because of the pregnancy.  My attitude is simply unfiltered me.  STFU.

9.  The weird numbness in my left thigh.  I know it's Zoidburg's fault, I'm just not sure why.  Yet.

10.  I pee all the time.  Discharge.  Constipation.  Nuff said.

11.  I am so tired but I can't sleep

12.  I cry at everything.  I hate crying.

13.  I'm only going to get bigger.

I asked my sister if there's any fun stuff about being pregnant.  She has two little boys.  With a perfectly straight face she said, "Your baby will be adorable."

Be forewarned, ladies.  Being pregnant is horrible!

With all this complaining I'm doing, I have to ask myself if I'd rather not be pregnant.  The answer, amazingly enough, is no.  I'm glad I'm pregnant.  Fucking hormones.