Abby

I watched the Avengers movie in IMAX 3D.  It was amazazing.  Best superhero movie ever.  Joss Whedon is my hero.

Husband would have loved to see it.  Friends all have people to go home to.  I have 2 cats who mewl at my bedroom door and want to cuddle.  I can't let them in because I can't take my allergy medicine while pregnant.

I have a sad.

Nothing to see here, no self improvement today.  Move along.

IKEA is bad for Pregnant Abby's brain

I begin by saying that I have never liked IKEA.  If you haven't heard of IKEA, Google it.  Also, what planet do you live on exactly?

I've never known precisely why I have such aversion to the store.  Much of what they sell is cheaply made, but there are a few pieces that are quite well done.  They have products that are pretty ingenious, and everything I've seen is reasonably priced.  It's certainly more stylish than Wal-mart.

Today I finally figured it out.  It's too damn organized, and that makes me jealous and frustrated and angry with myself.

I look at the perfectly coordinated living room setups, the clever and highly functional organizational storage and think, "why the hell can't I do that?"

I don't know.  I have read books on organizing spaces.  I've looked at tons of examples.  I've tried my entire life (that I can remember) trying to figure out how to keep track of my stuff and keep it clean and not have it end up all over the place.  There's just a big gaping hole in my brain where step 2 should live.

step 1.  Buy organizing things.

step 2. Uhhhhhh.

step 3. Organized!

IKEA makes it look so damn easy, and it pisses me off.  Of course, I also found useful shiny awesome things to purchase.  "Here, IKEA, you who makes me feel inadequate and horrible, please, take my money as well.  Thank you, may I have another?"

Friends have offered to help me organize.  I thank each one sincerely, but never take them up on it.  Why?  I'm not sure, but I think it's a combination of things.

1. My house is a horribly embarrassing mess.

2. I feel I ought to be able to do it.

3. I don't want to end up on Hoarders...and I can't if no one nominates me.  They won't nominate me if they don't know.  See item 1.

4. Guilt.  Guilty guilt ridden guilt with shredded guilt on top.

What do I do?

Abby keeps her word

I told Sephy I'd post for her today, especially considering I missed my own posting day due to crash after 11 hour work day.

Then things went crazycakes, and I lost my mind for a bit along with my post.

So, this is what I've been telling myself for the past few hours.
Yes, sometimes life sucks.  It gets hard and painful and things go wrong and people are upsetting and things break and I fail and I scream and cry and rage.  But I can.  I can because I'm still alive.  I have love and a roof over my head and food in my fridge and a job and that makes me far more fortunate than many people.

I'm alive and have life inside me.  Life that needs sleep.

Sweet dreams, folks.  I love you all for reading my rant.

Abby says - Thank goodness for first aid training

There I was, sitting at the netbook with these two books and getting ready to post about soil preparation and what happens during the 8th week of pregnancy (here's a hint:  nausea and being gassy cover just about all of it)

when my dear husband hands me this ball of soft fuzzeh kitteh

This is Ernie.  He gets into ALL the trouble.

I am to hold Ernie while Tim fixes the screen above the kitchen sink.  If not, Ernie will attempt to escape, and then be eaten by the feral kittehs in the alley.  For reals.

I have bad timing.

Me:  Can I let him go now?  He is squirmy.
Tim:  Yes, I got it.  Oh no wait I don't.
Me:  Too late, he escaped.  One sec, I'll grab hi-
Tim:  *Loud yelling, cursing, manly sounds of pain*
Ernie:  *screaming cat noises.  These are the worst ever.*

Turns out, Ernie was way faster than I.  As he almost got out the window, Tim grabbed him and the window shut on Ernie's paw.  Ernie was terrified and in pain and commenced to bite the everloving crap out of Tim's hands.  Blood was everywhere.

After a zillion apologies, good first aid training (thank you Girl Scouts), and lots of kitty treats, both husband and cat are doing fine.

My boys are survivors!

We'll call the doctor in the morning to see if he recommends antibiotics for Tim.  We're keeping an eye on Ernie, and so far he's not limping.  We'll call the vet tomorrow for their recommendation as well.

So, tomorrow (for really reals!) I'll be posting about preparing soil for our garden and the weird but true stuff going on in my god pod.

Goodnight, folks.


P.S.  The entire time I'm trying to get Tim to sit down and apply pressure to his bandage, he's trying to find Ernie to make sure he's alright first.  DAW!

Abby is about to share something she didn't plan to talk about

Things don't often go as planned.  I've got to remind myself of that and be less hard on myself when plans go awry.

I didn't post last night because I was helping a friend deal with some things, and then I forgot it was Tuesday. It happens.  Well, at least it happens to me.

I'm not posting about routines or morning soundtracks or listing chores this evening because I am dealing with an alcoholic husband who has relapsed.  This wasn't ever going to be a blog topic, but it is a major part of my life.  My experience, strength, and hope might help someone else out there.  Yep, I'm in Al-Anon, if anyone recognizes that bit of program talk right there.  I'm sure I'll actually have something helpful to say about it once a few days have passed.

I ask you to pray to whatever you believe in that this is a small relapse and he gets back on track very soon.

Abby writes a win/fail

What is a win/fail you ask?  I shall tell you!  A win/fail is a list I make when I'm getting frustrated or discouraged with my current situation, be it the state of my home, an inability to concentrate, difficulty finishing a task I don't want to do, whatever.  It helps me put things in perspective before I get angry at myself or panicky.  Once I hit that point, I'm done doing anything for at least an hour.  That sucks.  I actually think this list would help anyone who is stuck or feeling down about their situation.  It also helps me to remind myself that very few things are that deep.

Win!

I have been a nonsmoker for 19.65 days and haven't committed a felony!

Despite my medication needing an adjustment, I am keeping on track with my most important tasks at work.

I have gotten to work early/on time so many times in a row that I've lost count.  This is really big for me.

I motivated myself enough to write a blog post tonight.

My 2 year wedding anniversary was last weekend, and we had a perfect evening and amazingly fabulous fondue.

Fail.

I haven't gotten anything done this week that I don't really like doing...because I was playing Skyrim.

House is a mess, and my husband's awesomeness is the only reason I have clean clothing.

I can't finish three sentences in a row without being distracted...oooh look, glitter!

All in all, not as bad as I thought.  It never really is quite that bad.  Hooray, I feel better!

Abby Derailed

Hello, folks!  I'm not entirely sure this will make sense tomorrow, but I'm going to post even though it's a day late.

I quit smoking for the eleventeenth time 13.65 days ago.  I have an app that tells me this fact.  It also says that I haven't smoked 136 cigarettes and have saved $37.56.  I am very proud of this, however, it has completely derailed my brain.  I have been an on again off again (mostly on) smoker for about 12 years.  Many people with ADHD self-medicate with nicotine.  It's a stimulant, and I could list all sorts of research on the effect it has on people with ADHD, how it's helpful with the concentration and brain function, but I'm going to link to a blog that explains things better than I.  Here's that link.

Here's my problem.  My medication works great when I am taking all of it.  I didn't realize the nicotine part of it was so important until my husband pointed out that I've been pretty scattered for about 2 weeks.  Next Thursday I go in for a med checkup, and then things will get better.  However, I've forgotten my pre-medication coping mechanisms.  It would be a huge understatement to say that my inability to concentrate and forgetfulness and impulsiveness is frustrating.  The bedroom isn't going to get done.  I'm lucky that I've been getting to work on time.  I would have no chance at that without my husband keeping me on task in the morning.  I'm clinging to my calendar and hoping that I don't screw things up too badly.  Of course, now would be the time I have all sorts of projects at work.  I hate it when my brain doesn't work right.

Abby says - Routine fail

I don't have much to post today.  Due to life insanity, I haven't started my evening or morning sleep routines.  I'm going to try it Saturday night.  Really.  Sigh