Hiatus

Temporarily on Hiatus

Persephone Learns to Juggle

To say it's been an eventful week / weekend might be the understatement of the century.

My week went off the rails schedule and diet wise between coming down with food posioning and canceling the gym and bowling.

However, from a personal standpoint, my week incorporated new people in a bigger way than I've been accustomed to in a long while.

The weekend also took a few pleasantly unexpected turns.

I think I am ok with the variance in the diet and strict as hell schedule keeping, considering I actually accomplished all of my major goals this week.

I carved out time to complete a paper (my final) for a class and passed it with the best possible score on the first try.

I honored a commitment to a dear friend by facing my fear of mailing things to mail her a book ON the day I said I'd mail it.  (This is big, it's a randomly strong phobia.)

I let a very new person into my personal space and didn't become a shaking mess.  (HUGE)

I did grown up and responsible medical things.  (OK, I do that a lot, but I was nervous about this.)

I got to catch up and go shopping with another friend and we both needed the hang out time.

I even managed to get 5 games of focused bowling practice in.  They were frustrating games, but I had time with my coach and worked on new angles, so it was a good frustrating in a way.

The only thing I didn't get done was grocery shopping, but I'll just add that to tomorrow and should be fine.

The point is - I'm getting better at this whole gray area thing.

Baby Steps for the Baby Mama

Last post I talked about dietary requirements for pregnancy.  It was rather prophetic, as I had my appointment on Monday.  I've gained too much weight.  My sciatic nerve is being pinched, which causes numbness and shooting pain all down my leg.  On the bright side, we heard Zoid's heartbeat and it's 150bpm, right smack dab in the middle of the range.

My husband suggested we walk together in the evenings.  Last night was evening number one, and it went rather well.  His pace is naturally faster than mine since he's quite a bit taller.  It was a great pace for me.

I use the Babycenter website for all kinds of baby-related information.  Here is their article on walking for exercise during pregnancy.

Also, tomorrow I'm going to start keeping a food diary in the hopes that I'll be able to figure out where I'm going wrong with my diet.

Friday I go to a physical therapist for my sciatic nerve issue.

I sure hope the nesting instinct kicks in soon.  My house is a wreck.

Persephone needs a Mirror

Not the normal reflective kind of mirror...the soul kind.

Asking myself some big questions today, not sure I'm liking the answers.  What I do know is that I'm being forced into a situation that is growing untenable for me.  How much is it worth it to me to maintain the status quo?

I hate when my loyalties are divided and I hate feeling powerless.

Vague post is vague.

Persephone Battles Anxiety

Anxiety.

The word looks so benign sitting there on the page.  It's small, almost even cute.

There is nothing cute about anxiety.

In a way, I almost envy people who have full blown panic attacks.  I mean, not really, because those suck beyond measure, but at least in the middle of a panic attack, you KNOW what you're fighting.

My anxiety is a sneaky little bastard.

Today is a really big day for me, for reasons I can't actually talk about just yet.  Months of preparation have gone into today, and until earlier this week, I was totally sure I was 100% on top of it.

Until I wasn't.

Over the past few days, what started as little nibbles of doubt and fear in the back of my brain grew. 

And grew.

Today anxiety launched a full scale battle on my system.  Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Today anxiety won.

Tomorrow, I will.