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The Crazy Girls Guide to....SQUIRREL! Ahem...The Crazy Girls Guide to Staying Sane. Yeah, that's it.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Persephone Ponders Akrasia

This was not a good week in terms of waking up on time.  I hate to keep harping on the whole sleep thing, but SO much would fall into place if I could just get consistent about it. 

There's a term for what I go through every morning - "Akrasia".  (Or if you want to use my friend V's term for it - "dummy jacked".)

For those who didn't go to the link, Akrasia is the principle of us acting against our better judgment.  When you reach for the sweets late at night, knowing that you'll regret it later, or stay up past bedtime to watch another episode of TV, or to finish reading a book, or talk on the phone, or whatever distraction it happens to be - even though you know you'll then oversleep or feel tired and icky all the next day, and yet you do it anyway - that is akrasia.

When I'm awake, fully, 100% awake, I'm more likely to overcome some of these moments, but when the alarm goes off at 6:15am, and I'm 99.9% still asleep, and I know in the back of my mind that technically I can hit snooze a few times and technically still make it to work- that's when I get dummy jacked the hardest.

Forget the "perfect week".  I can't even seem to manage a perfect day.

Sadly, the more days I fail to get up on time, the more I beat myself up This is counter productive because it feeds into the talk that I somehow don't deserve this new life that I am working so hard to achieve during all the other waking hours of my day.

And it's hard to give myself credit for the stuff I'm doing right when I am so bothered by what it is I'm failing to do right. 

So forget the "perfect week".  I'm nowhere near ready for that.

This week - starting tomorrow through next Sunday - I just want to achieve one day of getting up on time.  Just one. 

Baby steps are sometimes the only steps you can take.

-Seph

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The knowledge, it fills me. It is neat!

Hey folks. Abby here.

I went to a lit convention today, so I've decided to drop some literary knowledge up in here.

I was lucky enough to get loads of author signed shwag and listen to presentations by Nick BruelShannon Hale, and Phillip Hoose.  My favorite part of the whole day was getting to listen to 4 of our amazing local authors;  Saundra MitchellChristine JohnsonMike Mullin, and Julia Karr.  Saundra's success story is the kind of future I hope for all my young patrons.  She is just the inspiration I needed to cheer right up.

It's not a secret that Sephy is a writer, so I asked the rockin' authors for some resources and advice to aid her on her way to the NY Times bestseller list.
On Writing by Stephen King and Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott were both recommended as excellent books about the writing process.
I was informed that most books on the topic of getting published aren't very helpful, but critique groups are fabulous.  The following is a list of critique group, support, and networking websites recommended by my new friends the really awesome authors who I wish were my friends.

Websites for all authors:  Absolute WriteFigment, and Critique Circle.
Just for teens:  Inkpop and Pulse It.
Specifically for authors of children's books:  Verla Kay and The Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators.
Once you're ready to send out those query letters, Query Tracker is an excellent database of literary agents and publishers.

I leave you with a ridonkulus image* from Shannon Hale's presentation.  It was right after lunch and she felt we were a bit too sleepy.  She convinced over 100 librarians, media specialists, and educators to stand up and sing "the Princess Pat."

Awesomesauce

*An image that I forgot to attach and now realize it doesn't live up to the story as I told it.  The video does, though.  No, you can't see it.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Stop the roller coaster, I want to get off

Today has alternated between win and fail with enough intensity to give me whiplash.  Srsly, yo.  I'm not going to get into it, but suffice it to say I'm drained and it's after midnight and my medicine has worn off and I'm having trouble finishing sentences, let alone entire topics.  Also, my cat keeps biting my fingers.

I was planning to write about getting stuck in ruts and how things are cyclical and how to recognize that and fix it and so on.  Unfortunately I've tried to start it about 8 times now.  At the moment I can't really remember the point that pulls it all together.  It's nearly 1 AM and I have to bring my car into the shop at 7 AM.  That issue is one reason I haven't posted until now.  Also, I couldn't connect to the wifi at my sister's place.  In the past I would have sat here for another 2 hours desperately trying to remember what I wanted to say.  Then I'd have overslept and rushed to work without getting my car fixed.  This time I choose to do the responsible thing and go to bed.  It may not seem like much, but it's a pretty big step for me to put my needs first.  It doesn't happen often.

Sweet dreams,
Abby


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Persephone says - Take Two

OK, so I started off the Perfect Challenge week fine, but then I got really sick, and sort of checked out of the universe for a few days to recover.

Because I didn't want to have to wait until Weds morning to make a second attempt, I decided to align my sleep tracking with everything else going on, which is Sunday - Saturday.

This means I started over this morning, and I'm happy to say I was successful at getting up.

Now to just keep it going throughout the week.

Wish me luck!

-Seph

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Persephone Introduces - The "Perfect Week" Challenge

Since Abby gracefully agreed to take my Sunday spot last weekend, I am unceremoniously taking her Tuesday spot. Go me!

 So those of you who have been following along know that I have come to the conclusion that:

My day only works when I get up on time!

Since I don't remember the last day I ACTUALLY got up on time, I invented a game for myself that starts tomorrow morning.  *cue dramatic music*

THE PERFECT WEEK CHALLENGE!

1. Wake up with the FIRST alarm for 7 days in a row.  This means 6:15am on weekdays and 7:15am on weekends.

2. Track my sleep numbers to prove it.  (I do this anyway).

3. Submit my scanned sheet of successful awesomeness (<-- note my positive thinking) to my "accountability person" (normally my therapist, but she's on maternity leave).

4. REWARD MYSELF (TBD)

5. Wash, rinse, repeat for the next week.

****************************

Now, I don't plan to reward myself every week for doing this, but I will for the first week definitely, and if I can stretch it to two weeks I'll reward myself again, but by the end of three weeks I'm hoping it's just second nature and I'll stop having to bribe myself.

I am not going to talk about what happens if I don't make it through this "Perfect Week" challenge, because I can DO this!

(I can do this, right?)

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Get Angry, then Carry On.

My life is unpredictable, to say the least.  I've been out of commission for a few days, but my family and I are doing better.

I'm sure you have something in your life that throws you for a loop, harshes your mellow, screws up your life plan.  This is how I get back on my feet after life goes all crazycakes.

1.  The crazy happens.
2.  I make it worse.
3.  I feel sorry for myself.
4.  I mope, continuing to feel sorry for myself, deciding that I'm not going to get up at all.  If I do get up, I'm not the least bit productive, spending all my awake time staring at some kind of screen.
5.  After a length of time directly proportional to the severity of the insanity, I get pissed off.  I think, "Are you going to just sit there and be a bum when there's stuff to do?"
6.  I answer myself.  The answer is yes, yes I am going to just sit here.

I'd like to say I meditate, or say the serenity prayer, or give myself a pep talk.  I do none of these things, though I probably should.  Nope, I get mad.  I yell at myself.  If I'm doing well, it's all in my head.  If not, I probably scare the crap out of my husband, my cats, and my neighbors.  Then, I pick something in the house on which to direct my energy and attack it.  While I declare war on dirt, my husband helps when he can, stays out of the way otherwise, and makes sure I remember to eat.  He's really good at that.
Now I'm exhausted, still a bit irritated at myself, but I have really shiny floors.  There is no dust in my living room.  We have shrink wrapped the windows.  After a couple more days I'll have gotten over The Event and can examine things from a calmer distance.  Then I figure out what I can change to avoid the same problem in the future.

The most important part of the entire process happens at the very end.  It's happening as I type this, actually.  I forgive myself.  I have grand plans of perfection and orderliness which don't turn out how I want, and that is ok.  I don't have to be perfect, I only want to do the next right thing.  Now I'm going to admire my sparkly sparkly floors and go to bed.

-Abby

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Persephone asks - How do you know if any of it is working?

I'm not overwieght, so I don't tend to see rapid vast physical results from changing diets like some people do.

When I don't have routines, plans, menus or schedules - I still function.  I am an expert at base survival.  I do my job, I tend to make my school deadlines no matter how backed into a corner I am, I get a little sleep, I see my friends a little, I read books and watch TV.

So how do I know if any of this stuff is working?  I can't measure brain function on a scale.  I can't afford expensive blood work to know if the diet is helping. 

So again - how do I know?  How do I measure?

Well, it's the little things.

Waking up, while still not easy, is easier.

I've been more focused on school.

Work productivity is increased and I turn around tasks faster than ever.

The amount of information I process in a day has vastly increased, but I don't feel overwhelmed. (More on this particular point on Sunday).

I feel clearer, calmer, more in control of my moods, and less prone to ups and downs during the day.

But the number one measure of my success?

PLOT IDEAS

I have managed to free up enough of my brain that I am marinating plot ideas, titles, even cover designs in my head.

For me this is HUGE!  THIS is what I am doing it all for, to be perfectly honest. 

In order for me to be the best version of myself, I have to be creating.  It is what my heart and soul are on this planet to do.

I feel like this is only the tip of the iceburg.  I want to eventually drop from 1 caffeinated tea a day to no caffeine, and to get to where I can cut dairy out for at least 30 days. 

I want the days I get up ON TIME to be the norm, and the days I hit snooze to be the rarity, instead of it being the other way around.

I already write every day, but I want to go beyond just writing for practice and go back to writing for passion.

I can do this, and I need this here to remind of that when it all goes a little wonky sometimes.

-Seph

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Abby is about to share something she didn't plan to talk about

Things don't often go as planned.  I've got to remind myself of that and be less hard on myself when plans go awry.

I didn't post last night because I was helping a friend deal with some things, and then I forgot it was Tuesday. It happens.  Well, at least it happens to me.

I'm not posting about routines or morning soundtracks or listing chores this evening because I am dealing with an alcoholic husband who has relapsed.  This wasn't ever going to be a blog topic, but it is a major part of my life.  My experience, strength, and hope might help someone else out there.  Yep, I'm in Al-Anon, if anyone recognizes that bit of program talk right there.  I'm sure I'll actually have something helpful to say about it once a few days have passed.

I ask you to pray to whatever you believe in that this is a small relapse and he gets back on track very soon.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Things Persephone Has Learned About Cooking

So I have been cooking "real" meals for about 3 or 4 weeks now, and here are some things I have learned:

1. My kitchen sucks.  Seriously, when I moved into this apartment, my friends who are cooks looked disdainfully at my kitchen, but I (total bachelor) waved them off, because the kitchen at the time was the least of my concerns.  Now I am stuck with it until April 2013.

2. My dishwasher sucks even more. OK, I knew this before I started "cooking" but now it's just more aggregious due to the fact that I have to run it practically every day now.

3. I produce a lot of waste.  I have never had to take the trash out this often before.  I live on the third floor.  This is not happiness in my tone.

4.  I lack essential tools.  Things I have recently acquired - spices (all of them), cooking oils, a crock pot, a weber grill, knives that are not nearly as good as I need them to be, a muffin tin, skewer, special produce saving tupperware, and a garlic press.  Things I still need - a large skillet, a cast iron skillet, a food processor, a potato peeler, a veggie slicer, a food dehydrator (for jerky), a second crock pot, MUCH better knives, oh and about 10 years of previous kitchen know how, but I think I'm SOL on that last one.

5.  I do not suck at cooking.  I mean, I'm nothing fantastic, but so far all of my food has been edible, most of it has even been yummy, and none of it has made me sick or tried to kill me.  I count that as a win.

And since I like lists that end in multiples of five, I think that's all I've got for tonight. 

-Seph

Friday, February 3, 2012

Persephone asks - what happens when it all goes to hell?

I had the best of intentions for my four day weekend.  Especially for today, which had a lot of time allotted for school.

But you see...yesterday I had a therapy appointment.  This is not rare, I have them weekly, sometimes more than weekly, but this was a little different.  In yesterday's session, which is likely my last one until my therapist comes back from maternity leave, some pretty big lightbulbs went off - for instance, WHY I have so much trouble with habits and routines, why I default to survival mode instead of bridging the gap into being successful and flourishing, and a couple of other things I am not going to talk about in this blog, due to its public nature.

So you would think that today I would have been more motivated to stay on track, stick to my written schedule, and push myself (gently) closer to successful instead of just surviving.  You would think that, but you would be wrong.

Instead, I overslept by three hours, I skipped both blocks of school, I'm writing this when I should be working out, and I have a sink full of dishes I should be attending to, but I'm not.  My optimistic explanation is that I'm taking a mental health day, that I simply just needed to take the day to process, that tomorrow I will do better, that tomorrow I will be better.

I re-worked tomorrow's schedule, to give myself some school time to make up for the time I am losing today, but that's all dependent on one thing - waking up on time

Now I haven't talked about my sleep issues much on this blog.  Most of you do know that I struggle with waking up on time.  I got some enlightenment on that yesterday as well.

What a lot of you don't know is that this time last year I was on sleep medication, I was wearing ear plugs every night, I was in the midst of extensive neurological testing, and I was plagued as I have always been with nightmares.

Long before my therapist led me to the kind of breakthroughs I had yesterday she worked on my sleep.  That's actually her specialty.  (We joke that she has super powers over sleep, but I am actually pretty convinced she does.)  By the time I came to her I was actually on two different types of sleep meds, and I was messed up.  At that time I didn't get up on time because I physically couldn't.  There was too much fog and too many chemicals to fight off.  Too much anxiety and fear, too much doubt and uncertainty, and too little confidence.

So now I have the physical ability to fall asleep on my own, and to get up when the alarm goes off.  What stops me from waking up on time now is purely psychological, and the revelations I had yesterday should be enough for me to talk myself through the mornings, into getting up instead of giving up in ten minute increments at a time.

It's especially hard considering that the coping method I was taught growing up is to "take a nap" when I am stressed or overwhelmed.  That's the exact opposite of what I need to be doing right now, but 32 years of a habit, of a "default", is awfully hard to change.

I am hoping, by writing this down, by getting it out of my brain and into the written word, tomorrow I'll  be a little less overwhelmed, and can find the strength and self love it will take me to get up with that first alarm and tackle the day like an adult who has their shit together. 

Because, in the end - my day only works when I get up on time.