Persephone Says - well...not a whole lot

So Abby and I sort of accidentally took posting during the holidays off without actually discussing it with each other until it was actually happening. 

Since I hate the December holidays and she was busy participating in them, we sort of canceled each other out.

Now Abby is on vacation (lucky girl) and I am going to do my best to keep the blog up in her absence. 

It doesn't help that my head has been in dark places, that I've been in pain from my injury and my supposed cure to the injury, or that I have completely forgone all of the things I created this blog for in the first place.

Routines?  No

Green Smoothies? No

Primal Eating?  No

Physical therapy? No

School?  No

Reading?  Yes, some.

Sleeping?  Not well, lots of nightmares, don't even ask about the schedule.

Obviously, something here has got to give.  My apartment is in chaos, which is usually directly reflective of my brain.

Today my therapist sent an e-mail to my med doc to discuss adjusting my med dose a little.  (Decreasing it, not increasing it.)

I'm going to adjust my tracking sheets to be more in line with each other.  I'm going to try to get back on track.  I have to, because where I am now really feels like crap.

On Sunday I plan to give you guys some real info, instead of just whining.

-Seph

Abby says - TA DA!

The living room is clean, organized, and things are precisely where I want them.  This may not seem like much to most people, but it is nothing less than a miracle for me.  I haven't had a clean and well-organized living room of my own since 2000.  I am NOT kidding.  Technically that doesn't even count because it was a shared living room in a sorority-like situation while I was in college.  There were 16 women keeping it clean.  Well, 15 if I don't include me, which I shouldn't.

How did you do it, Abby?  I'm so glad you asked!  Here is a breakdown of my process.

1.  I set aside a specific time to do it and made sure to not make plans to do other things (which is how I avoid most housework).
2.  I broke the big task into smaller chunks.
3.  I asked for help, specifically from my husband.
4.  We let ourselves take breaks and took turns being the motivator.
5.  We were goofy!  We chased each other with cleaning products.  We danced with mops.  It was fun.  Cleaning was fun?!

We wanted to have it finished yesterday, but plans didn't work out quite how we wanted so we finished it tonight.  That bugged me a bit at first, but then I realized it's perfectly fine.  Our living room was already cleaner than it had been since we moved in last May.

Now two rooms (the other being the kitchen, which is the husband's domain) are just the way we want them!  One more to go and the house will be presentable for the first holiday gathering on Friday.  The first holiday gathering at my house ever.  As in, at any domicile wherein I pay the rent kind of ever.  Let's just day, most of my friends don't know my address because they may show up unexpectedly and kill me via embarrassment of my surroundings.

BEWARE!  Beware, bedroom with your dust bunnies and spare cats, your socks hiding in the darkness.  Be frightened, bathroom of doom.  Cower, ye front room of things-that-have-no-place yet.  I am coming for you, and you shall despair!

Persephone Almost Forgot to Post

Things are still not a-ok in my brain.  I spent the entire weekend arguing with myself and losing.  I almost even forgot about posting, but at the last minute while updating my routine tracking spreadsheet (or my visual failure chart) I remembered it was Sunday and I needed to post.

Here is one thing most people will be surprised about - I am on day 2 of no caffeine.  All I want in the world right now is a hug and a Dr. Pepper, but I know that cutting it out of my life is for the best.

The last time I went off caffeine it took strep throat and several days in bed, but I've spent this whole year cutting down until I went from 6 caffeinated drinks per day to 1 or 2 at the most.

I also stayed off of it for 2.5 years.  One iced coffe was my downfall.

This attempt was actually not intentional, I realized yesterday afternoon when I got the caffeine withdrawal headache from doom that I hadn't had any, but it was too late in the day to fix that and still sleep, so I went cold turkey from there.

I've spent most of today in various states of withdrawal, but mostly my head just pounds.

On that note, I don't want to look at a screen anymore.

Also, I hate x-mas, so look to Abby for the holiday love.

-Seph

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style. In the air there's a feeling of PANIC!

Abby here!

One week until Christmas, 6 days until Yule, and I have left things until the last days once again.  The external motivation of the impending deadline has triggered my self-motivation.  I won't be discussing the topic of motivating myself to do horribly boring tasks until the holidays are over.  Trust me, those tasks aren't getting done.

My husband and I baked about 160 cookies today, which means we're almost halfway done.  I bake between 4-8 types of cookies during the holidays.  These cookies comprise the bulk of my holiday gift giving items.

Tomorrow I make the list of people who are getting cookies (because I always forget someone), who needs their own cookie tin, and who will also be getting another gift.  Then, I break out the sewing machine, for I have a Plan.  Of course, this week is already stuffed full of activities.  Makes it all more exciting, you know.

For your viewing pleasure, here are pictures of cookies.

Strawberry and Elderberry Thumbprint Cookies

Ginger Molasses Cookies

Persephone gets selfish - or something.

This has been a tough day, in a midst of a really tough couple of weeks.  First of all, I did not get the job I interviewed for, which marks only the second time I think I've ever been turned down for a job.

I'm struggling with some other stuff emotionally, and this is really the hardest time of the year for me anyway, for reasons I won't get into here.

Had a hard but necessary therapy session today. 

In order to get back on track, I need to "take care of myself", which to my brain is synonymous with being selfish, which I don't like.  It's not in my nature.

But basically, in order to "take care of myself" I need to be by myself.  My schedule does not allow for distractions, and I have to get back on schedule.

Right now, I am already messing up part of it because my computer went wonky and it took me a while to fix. 

Some of the new guidelines:

No phone calls after 8pm
No computer after 9pm
New bed time is 10:45pm
Reading after nightly routine complete, no TV.

This will hopefully make the mornings a little easier, as before I was barely allotted 6 hours of sleep.  Now I'm getting 7 hours.

Really hoping something works.

And now I steal Abby's night - Persephone comes to grips

*note, we'll be back to posting at our normal times come Thursday

With any extradordinary effort in one direction, it can be easy to then pendulum back in the other direction to a place that is actually worse off than where you originally started.

Well, that's pretty much how it's been the last couple of weeks for me.  One bad night leads to a rushed morning, which leads to a "too fried to care" night which make the next morning even worse.

Yeah.  It's like that.

So last night I made the chart I talked about last week, and I followed it.  This morning wasn't perfect but it was better.

Tomorrow I have an appointment really early, so I can't really judge. 

So, starting Thursday, I'm hoping to start off right and hit the routines for more than 1 day in a row.

On that note, I need to get my night stuff done.

Peace out,

-Seph

Abby is stealing Seph's post night

This is mostly because I didn't post on Saturday night.  Unfortunately I don't really have anything productive for this evening.  The holidays are kicking my ass this year.  How anyone ever gets their home cleaned for company, gifts bought, plans made, and also work a full time job I don't think I'll ever know.  It must be some kind of magic I don't posses.

Persephone asks - How do I integrate people?

This post is shamefully backdated, and might be a bit all over the place.  I have had a roller coaster week, and I have to make some changes.

First of all, reading and hearing about how Abby and I are helping others with routines is inspiring and also makes me feel like a hypocrite.

The first week of the new routines I hit 96% sleep efficiency, but it’s gone downhill from there.  Last week it dropped to 85% and the routines were out the window for all but one day.  I’m not just talking the wake up time, though that was most of it, but also little pieces I clipped out here and there, like physical therapy (at night AND in the morning), make up, the reading and writing, and even a shower or two. 

All in all it comes down to accountability.  No one lives with me.  No one knows if I did my routine or not, except for me, and I am incredibly adept at rationalizing and making excuses that I will believe. 

To that end, I am taking the “list” of my routine and turning it into a “chart”, and I will check off the pieces I completed that day in an attempt to intimidate inspire myself to be more consistent.  Since I see my therapist weekly until the end of the year, I can take them to her for additional accountability. 

I’m also running out of time.  I need to be very close to habitual about this stuff by the time January rolls around, as I’m going to have to restructure a lot of my support network, and won’t have as much access to professional help.

What does this have to do with the subject line?

I have not figured out how to integrate being social while maintaining my routines.  School totally didn’t happen this week.  I made a post saying I was going to be away from my phone after 8pm and didn’t manage to follow through.  I let getting upset over something early in the week affect the next couple of mornings.

I need to become more consistent, and in order to do that, I need to become more self-contained for a while.  I need my evenings to be free of distraction so that I feel like I have time to do all the things for ME that need to be done so that the mornings work, and I need the mornings to work so that I have energy in the evenings to DO all the evening things with full focus, and all of this while getting back into the habit of school.

I have a week to learn an entire math course. 

This level of selfishness needs to continue at least until I’m solid enough that I can work in spontaneous plans without total derailment.

I need to respect myself enough to say no to things that don’t support these goals.

All of this is very hard for me to do.

*sigh*

-Seph

Abby ponders

If I have no time to try motivational techniques, does that mean I'm getting things done?
I started my day at 6:30am and didn't see my home again until 10pm.  My husband and I have vastly differing work schedules, work on opposite sides of town, and only have one vehicle (this is a recent development).  I may not have time to get motivated.  I don't even know if that makes sense.

Needless to say, I haven't used any of the techniques yet, but on the bright side I'm early to work all the time now.  I used to almost always be late.  The service engine soon light came on in my car this evening.  This bodes.  I suddenly have too much to accomplish and the visit from relatives is looming far too quickly.  I'm going to have to bend the fabric of time and space for this one.  Where is Doctor Who when I need him?

*grumble* Persephone is not in the mood for this.

Umm, yeah, I don't really have a lot to post about.  Allergies are kicking my ass right now, and I'm oversleeping by hours and hours in the morning, which isn't good.  Also, I revised my nightly routine into something that actually makes it overwhelming, so yeah, that's not fantastic either.

Add that to today's frustration in trying to work on a project for a friend and having none of it go right, I'm just exhausted.

Tonight I did hit all the major components of the evening routine, and tomorrow my intent is to get back on track. 

Until all of this is in place and super solid, I won't be allowed to try the "go off meds" experiment, so I should really be motivated to succeed.

In other news, today was day two of green smoothie drinking, and I did a pretty good job of making it taste good today.  Yesterday...not so much.

I have everything prepped for tomorrow's smoothie as well.  Wish me luck!

-Seph

Abby can't handle repetitive tasks because they are boring boring boring!

I also have trouble completing projects once I've already figured out the challenging parts.  I think I mentioned this in my last post, but I've slept since then.  If I go read that post now I'll never come back and finish this one.

Boredom is misery.  I don't know how to explain it so people without ADHD will really understand the depth of my hatred for boredom.  I am still awake at 2 AM because laying in bed with the lights off is boring.  I have finished one of four argyle golf club covers for my brother-in-law because the pattern isn't challenging after the first one.  It was for his birthday...in February.  There is a knitting project and a book in my purse in case I get bored.  I also carry a tote bag everywhere I go with extras.  The normal things people do every day, such as laundry and cleaning I don't so often because they are, you guessed it, boring.  My medication definitely helps me focus, but it doesn't do squat for motivation.  I need to change my habits.

I got a wonderful suggestion from Deanna on my last post (which is also mentioned in the book MALD, by the way) of setting a timer.  I'm going to try this.  Also, MALD suggests listening to music while I do these tasks, which I already tend to do.  Another suggestion is to break the tasks into smaller pieces and switching between tasks to break the monotony, which would also go nicely with the timer idea.  I'm going to apply these ideas to housework this week and report on Tuesday.

On a positive note, I've gotten really good at my routines!  I even got up at 5:45 AM last Thursday to take my husband to work, got myself ready for my work and still had time for breakfast before getting to my job early.  Hooray!  This morning I had a hiccup when he mentioned that my outfit wasn't weather appropriate.  I was 15 minutes late trying on 4 other things and not liking a single one.  Annoying, but he was right.  I need to check the weather.  Indiana weather changes suck.

Persephone's Constant Companions

First - I will get rid of you guys:

And then, it's just me and you:

Soon.

Within the next year.

All of you will be gone.

It's time to take my life back.

-Seph